Great Wall, Manchester

Yet another cheap, cheerful bargain lunch!

Regular readers of my blog will know my new year resolution was to do every restaurant in Chinatown. It has proven a difficult task, as we are more than halfway through the year and I have selected a couple of favourites that I keep going back to time and time again! I had a visitor up from Liverpool and to make things easier, they decided for me!

The Great Wall is a basement restaurant, oozing old fashioned charm and traditional British Chinese out of its pores! Sticky carpet? Check. Ducks in window? Check. Cheap 'businessman's deal'? Check. Don't you just LOVE old school Chinese?

They are in direct competition with the neighbouring China City, with both of them offering their business lunch at £4.50. It's cheaper than a Meal Deal, I hear you cry. To start, I had my staple dietary requirement of Vegetarian Hot and Sour soup and my goodness, it blew the cobwebs away. Take a bow, this is a strong competitor for the most fiery soup in the North West! Predictably, I chose a saucy Szechuan tofu as my main, hair of the dog after a hot and sour! The main portions were a bit on the small side, but what do you expect for such a cheap price? A small ice cream was also included, plus I threw one of their scrumptious mango desserts down my neck from their normal full price dessert menu. YUM!

Passage to India, Monton Rd, Salford

Fur coat and no knickers- or should that be high price and no spice?

In my quest to test Salford's culinary waters, I decided to take the plunge and go for an Indian. As my beloved Shabna doesn't have a restaurant, I decided to try Passage to India which is directly opposite it on Monton Rd. I figured the food must be excellent to keep up with Shabna's competition, however the reviews on line were not very favourable. Rude staff! Bland food! Small Portions! Being the objective Vindaloo Queen I am, I decided to ignore the reviews and make my own judgement. I wish I hadn't now.

The bars of Monton were heaving in contrast to Passage, where only 3 tables were taken. As I entered, I had my first rude staff experience. 'Sit down there!' he barked at me. 'I need to prepare table'. I perched on a stool, wondering what needed to be prepared in this practically empty restaurant whose tables were all fully set. 'You come now'. I was ready to run out but in the name of blog research, I decided to stick it out. If the meal was hideous, then at least its a story to tell, right?

I scoured the menu and was shocked at the high prices- thank god I was getting a veggie dish otherwise I would have had to get a second mortgage. I still squirmed at paying £8 for a veggie curry though... 'Do you want drinks?' I was barked at yet again by the same surly staff member who seated me. 15 minutes later 'Do you want drinks?' Throughout the meal, we were asked 5 times if we wanted more drinks. Either they were on commission to flog drinks or they couldn't actually see the full glass of water before their eyes. Maybe they were just glass half empty kinda guys.

As the veggie samosas were a ripoff £4, the starter was to be pops, followed by a veggie madras, veggie biryani, pilau and naan. The pops were thankfully crisp and fresh, but the complement of dips wasn't the most adventurous. I awaited the main course hungrily. It was abyssmal. Not quite on the same abyssmal level as Edinburgh's Tippoo Sahib (the worst curry in the history of Imodium), but it seemed to have come from one of Iceland's 'reduced for clearance' freezers. The Madras sauce had the consistency of a lava lamp, the veg from one of those infamous frozen mix bags from the aforementioned supermarket- corn, peas and perfect budget cubes of illuminous carrot. Continuing the theme of frozen veg, the biryani looked achingly familiar from my student days, when I used to shop mainly at cheap shops and live off frozen meals. The rice was boiled rather than fried, and was padded out with yet more frozen veg. We weren't even asked which sauce we wanted with this monstrosity, but a witches brew of oil and gravy-like curry sauce was plonked in front of us. This meal was inedible.
Halfway through the meal, the restaurant manager approached my table (and all other 3 diners) and fired off a series of questions in the style of a quiz show host.

'Are you local?' (I thought this was a chat up line at first)
'Is it your first time or do you come here often?' (ooh the old charmer!)
'How did you find out about us?' (Well, not from Gordon Ramsay that's for sure)

After the interrogation, I was feeling more angry at this place, you know when you feel like slapping someone round the chops but don't actually do it? I had to get out for my sanity. Enter Surly Staff Member no.1, the fellow who seated me. He was back again, this time on all fours brushing the floor (note: he didn't wash his hands after). Then, he came to our table and instead of cleaning it properly, he swept the crumbs up with one hand into his other cupped hand. Wow, fabulous hygiene and service standards, I am impressed.

This bland meal had finally drawn to a close and will thankfully never be repeated. Such a shame, as Passage looks like a promising, opulently decorated eaterie from the outside, but it quite frankly a case of fur coat and no knickers. Back to the Curry Mile it is then.

Playfoots Cafe, Monton Rd, Salford

If you're looking to grab a reasonably priced lunch and coffee without the chainy boredom of St*rb*cks, Playfoots is the place. Situated on Monton Rd, this neighbourhood cafe attracts regulars thanks to the friendly staff. With veggies catered for and a healthy selection of daily papers, this is the perfect place to while away an afternoon. For the early birds, they even offer a bountiful breakfast. The coffee is only a quid which left me collapsing in shock after today's extortionate prices. However, the coffee is a tad weak but with such a friendly atmosphere, it's easy to overlook. Steaming soups, crisp salads, an extensive selection of sandwich fillings and beautiful home-made muffins make Playfoots one for Vindaloo Queen's roster of independent coffee houses.

Master Chef , Liverpool (twice in one week!)

This month, Spring had well and truly sprung so what better to do than go out on a restaurant crawl? I was feeling in the mood to visit the home town of Liverpool and revisit an old favourite- this was proving easier said than done as most of my faves have gone bust thanks to pesky N*ndo's and co! I checked out Zorbas but after hearing not so favourable reviews lately, not to mention a huge price hike (capitalising on being one of the few decent Greeks in Lpool?), my mind turned to my pleasure, my pain, my passion- CURRY. The mothership aka the UnI in Renshaw St was calling me, but it didn't open til 6 and it was 5 and I wanted curry immediately, same went for Indian Delight. So the default diversion was Master Chef, which fitted in great with my eating buddies thanks to its fab BYO policy! Being the teetotal I am, I was happy as they are one of the few restaurants that do fruity Rubicon as an alternative to Coke and Sprite, along with a wide range of lassis. Master Chef has been in Liverpool for over 20 years and never fails to come up with tasty, exotic food, good prices and fantastic portion size. Great for nights out, quiet lunches, parties and solo diners, Master Chef is more versatile than run-of-the-mill curry houses. Recently refurbed without losing its character, the restaurant is a modern twist on the stereotypical curry house- twangy music, a sticky carpet and pictures of mosques and palaces are all present and correct, but the furnishings and layout of the place could be from a generic wine bar.

I ended up visiting twice in a week, so let me run you through both meals at once. Service and atmosphere was chilled and efficient, with a smile and helpful tips on what the meals included spice-wise. My only complaint was that the heating was on full whack- not the best thing when the temp outside is nearly 20 and you're shovelling hot food down your throat.

To start, I had samosa the first time which was packed with chunky fresh veg with a kicking aftertaste, costing under £2. Credit crunch tastic! The second time, I went along the road less travelled and tried an aubergine pakora and potato bhaji, also under £2 and they were fabulous. The aubergine melted in the mouth and was set off nicely with a wedge of lemon and the old chutney tray, the potato bhaji making a change from old faithful onion. The potato bhaji looked like a fishcake with golden breadcrumbs but was thankfully packed to the gills with spud, like the best chip butty you have ever had.

For mains, I went for veg achaari (medium curry with a pickle base, perfect for fans of chutney and piquancy) and madras. Both curries were of high quality and packed full of nutritious greens and potatoes, the madras firing up my tastebuds while the achaari enriched the senses. Achaari has a rich hot and sour taste, a rich alternative to Vindaloo without being ridiculously spicy. CURRY HEAVEN. Both meals were accompanied with a massive naan and lashings of basmati.

The dessert menu was standing on the table, tempting me into the perfect conclusion of a good meal out. I chose a Matka Kulfi, a pistachio icecream presented in a pretty pot which they let me take home.

Readers, in times of rip-off merchants and credit crunches, I recommend you get down to Master Chef. At £36 for 3 people (2 meat, 1 veggie, 2 courses, 1 dessert and soft drinks), this is a bargain. And with good customer service at that.

Kosmos, Manchester

Authentic Greek meze- a ray of sunshine!

The summer will soon be upon us again, and it's high time Vindaloo Queen started seeking out some Mediterranean eateries in Manc. After the feast that was Katsouris, my appetite was whet for a bit of evening Greek style. Unfortunately, my beloved Katsouris closes early evening, so it was time to deploy Google to get me to the Greek! First it suggested Bouzouki by Night, but it sounded a bit chavtastic/ drunken hen and stag rabble for my liking, I was looking for a rich tapestry of Hellenic delights. Then I found Kosmos- meal deals, a warm Greek welcome, away from the city centre, free parking nearby- a winner!

Fallowfield might not be the first place that springs to mind for a Mediterranean infused evening, but that's what makes Kosmos the diamond in the rough it is. Tucked away between the Curry Mile and Didsbury, it makes a welcome change from the Indian and pub food what populates this neck of the woods. The interior of Kosmos reminds me a bit of Zorbas in Liverpool with its blue hues and souvenir pictures from Greece adorning the walls, but with my favourite Greek pop and well spaced tables to add to the pleasant ambience. I was welcomed warmly by the owner, a cheerful Cypriot gentleman who was more than happy to chat to his customers.

As I arrived just before 19:00, I qualified for the early doors 2 course special for £12. Normally, these offers are never any good for veggies, but this menu was veggie heaven. To start, I ordered a combo of 2 dips (tzatziki and foul muddamas) served with stonebaked pittas, and the main event was Kolokithokeftedes (pictured, for those not in the know, courgette and feta fritters). As a twist on the bog standard side of rice-or-chips, Kosmos offers a third option, cracked wheat which was a welcome break. The dips were chilled and fresh, the courgette succulently infusing with the warm feta. This feast for Greek gods and Vindaloo Queens was extremely satisfying; its authenticity seemed to sweep me away from grimy Manchester to the beaches of Kefalonia. For the duration of the meal, I was in a sunny climate in a land where the grape is grown (Sorry Shirley Valentine!), confirming my beliefs that superb food isn't just about its taste, it's about its power to change your mood and give you the feeling of travel.

After such a sumptuous feast, I regret to say there was no room for Baklava or Loukoumades...

Drip, Manchester

I didn't expect doggy style- call environmental health!

Back in 2009 when I was living in Germany, I went somewhere really exotic on holiday. That's right, I went to Manchester! (The things ex-pats do when they get homesick for good curry...) While I was there, I visited a fab cafe in the Northern Quarter called Drip and decided to visit again now that I live in Manc Land. However, it's true what they say, never visit the same place twice...

The prices are staggeringly high for a cafe in an old run down inner city and the service isn't particularly overwhelming, but this is made up for in its cosy interior and well stacked selection of mags. I sat there, engrossed in Jordan's love life until I heard a terrible cacophony. A family with a huge dog had rudely interrupted my coffee sesh, a hulking smelly beast of a thing and I was waiting for the staff to tell them to chain it up outside. But no, this group of freaks were welcomed with open arms with barely a drink bought with their dirty smelly dog. Isn't this some sort of environmental health breach?

If they welcome mutts in their eating establishment, I shan't be going back. It really has gone to the dogs.

Gran Melia Palacio de Isora, Tenerife

The hotel that goes the extra mile to include all culinary preferences!

I owe Tenerife a huge apology. The thing is, after many visits to Spain and its islands, I became disillusioned with the lack of good food for veggies. Whether it was Madrid or Majorca, Barcelona or Playa del Ingles, I was faced with a barrage of chips and cheese toasties. For this reason, these trips didn't feel like holidays, they felt more like dinner hour in the work's canteen. For me, food is a big part of my holiday as I like to immerse myself in local cuisine, the problem being Spaniards are very carnivorous and don't offer the veggie alternatives that my beloved tapas bars in Manchester offer! However, it was February, I needed guaranteed sunshine so after perusing online reviews and hundreds of holiday brochures, it was decided to stay at the aforementioned hotel, otherwise known as Thomson Sensatori. With numerous restaurants on site and the legend 'all dietary requirements will be provided for', the hotel was immediately booked.

I visited three restaurants during my stay, the Market Grill, Oasis and Pangea and was overwhelmed by the selection. It exceeded my expectation regarding food and managed to have something different every day (I was full board too!).

MARKET GRILL

This is the poolside restaurant open for lunch and while admiring the infinity pool, you can start with either veggie spring rolls or soup (I had neither as I was still full from brekky). Main courses were what I class 'substantial pub grub'- chips with everything from veggie burgers, paninis loaded with guacamole, pizzas, salads, toasties- you get the gist. Portion sizes are generous and keep you full until dinnertime. Dessert is also included in the full board package- a veritable feast of black forest gateau Spanish style (much tastier than English chemically induced from Iceland!), apple tart and for those feeling guilty after the chips, fruit cocktail.

OASIS

For those on the full board option, Oasis offers a healthy take on the three course lunch (well, apart from dessert unless you get a fruit salad!) With seats both in the sun and shade overlooking the infinity pool, chillout music calming your soul, this restaurant is equipped for both sweltering and chilly days. My starters usually consisted of a hearty soup or fresh salad and I managed to have a different main every day. The food here is quite Mediterranean and always presented with a flourish without any trace of it looking like an amateur tourist hotel- this hotel truly is top drawer. I enjoyed a roast vegetable pasta, a vegetable and halloumi stack, verduras a la plancha (Spanish style roast veg)amongst other delicacies. Desserts here are the same as Market Grill.

PANGAEA

Pangaea is a multinational buffet restaurant but don't worry, there are no chavs pushing and shoving here- it's not Playa de las Americas y'know! You can sit inside but it is reminiscent of a service station with nicer decor or outside on the Oriental- style terrace overlooking the koi carp pond. (Can I point out on this note that two chavs did slip through the net here to my amusement, a couple who looked as if they should be on Tool Academy who were throwing bread rolls to the carp. Get back to Butlins thank you very much.)

The selection is so large, it's best I review it as starter, main, dessert.

STARTER

Two soups, one of which veggie plus a Gazpacho every night. I was in heaven as I discovered one of my fave Spanish dishes. What I like about Gazpacho is that you decide how much ingredient you put in, be it onion- heavy or tantalisingly tomatoey!
Copious amounts of local and -yippee- German bread are provided.

MAIN

Vindaloo Queen was very happy when it was discovered that an Indian chef is resident, whipping up a spicy storm every night. Bountiful basmati, aloo gobi saag and bombay aloo awaited me. The piece de resistance? Homemade naan! Alongside him was the resident Chinese chef, making stirfrys and noodle dishes to your preference, along with two ready prepared ones. For those carnivores wanting a taste of home, a carvery also gives you the option to have best of British.
Needless to say, Spain was well and truly represented with a huge Paella every night and constantly changing varieties of Tapas- Catalan spinach, pine nuts and raisins tortilla, pimientos de padron and many more tapas bar faves. For those wanting low fat but nonetheless tasty dishes, the salad bar was a riot of colour, offering more imaginative ingredients like jalapenos, Greek chili peppers, olives of every size and shape, a rainbow of dressings plus rice and pasta pre-prepared salads. And that's not all. There are several hot dishes, an eclectic mix of central European, Caribbean and much more, providing a party for your tastebuds! One night I sampled some heavenly sweet potatoes stuffed with cheese and tomatoes stuffed with cheese- brings a new meaning to the phrase 'get stuffed'! Plus, if you're feeling a bit overwhelmed by the riot of spice and fragrance, there are always good old chips, onion rings and meat and two veg for the carnivores!

DESSERT

You mightn't have any room after all that, but try and make some for your tastebuds' sake! Try at least one of the 10 flavours of ice cream. Dive into the chocolate fountain- white and milk choc on alternate nights. Be good and eat a massive bowl of fresh fruit. Show the on-site confectioner your appreciation and eat one of his hand made chocolates (believe me, you will never eat Milk Tray again after sampling these bad boys!) Admire the way the pastry chef arranges his artworks of sweetness on dainty plates, a taste explosion waiting to happen. See my picture above to realise what I mean. If you don't already have a sweet tooth, you will now.

Buen provecho!

Punjab, Manchester

Understated and underrated!

I have been in Manc long enough now to see past the bright lights of the curry mile and know not to take some of these jazzy looking restaurants on face value, after all, there is no such thing as a free lunch. However, I have not ruled out the curry mile entirely, especially when one is expecting guests from outside the city and have heard such legendary tales of the Mile. My guests had come from Liverpool and sadly, the city is somewhat lacking in good Indian restaurants these days. Any newcomers to the Scouse curry scene tend to be of the nouvelle cuisine, yuppified variety with small portions and all the ambience of an overpriced 5 star boutique hotel. Curry is about cheesy decor, twangy Bollywood choons and being as stuffed to the gills as humanly possible! So me and the Scouse ladies were on a mission for old school curry.

The lucky recipient of the VQ posse was Punjab, one of the less glitzy venues on the Mile. Understated yet homely, Punjab hides shyly away behind its larger, better endowed neighbours. We all know size isn't everything, it's what you do with it that counts and believe me, Punjab may be small, but its kitchen packs a punch, giving your belly a night to remember!

To start, I digested complimentary pops with 4 punchy dips, funny how things taste better when they are free. For mains, I diverted from my staples of madras and vindaloo and chartered unfamiliar waters with a bhuna. This was a fab blend of spices, fresh veg and no nasty greasy bits. Surprisingly, it measured up to some of my vindaloos as far as the spice factor was concerned! YUM. To mop it all up, I tried a chili naan for a change (all peshwari and no chapatti make me a dull vindaloo queen). This went down a treat by all my party, Punjab winning a place on the coveted VQ night out curry itinerary.

Now, no review is complete without the constructive criticism bit, right? The food and staff here are faultless so all I have to complain about are the antiquated toilets which are a bit dirty and the cramped restaurant.On the whole though, Punjab made for what was to be the start of a fab night out. Ignore the touts on the Mile and head for this shy beauty!

The Armenian Taverna, Manchester

Exotic, retro, homely and sumptuous!

Many years ago, I visited Manchester and passed the Armenian Taverna on my travels. Instantly, I became intrigued. Armenia is a country that some people have never even heard of, never mind their cuisine so this eaterie was definitely going to be one of a kind. I knew Armenia was nestled in between Russia and Turkey, so judging by my mutual love of Borscht and Imam Bayildi, it was a dead cert to win my tastebuds over. Upon moving to Manc, my mission became to finally seek out this promising tavern.

The restaurant began to win me over as I descended its subterranean steps. I'm a sucker for a good old fashioned 70s style restaurant, a decade when brash,garish decor was in, chavs and N**do's were non-existent and dining out was still a luxury, not a weekly pleasure like it is for most of us now. The basement was illuminated a sleazy yet cosy shade of red, calling my hungry belly down to dine. What a delight I had in store! This place combined a chilled, sunny holiday vibe and British granny's sitting room retro kitsch. I felt as if I were in a quirky museum as I was shown to my table as the walls were adorned with a mix of souvenir kitsch and tacky jumble sale ornaments of days gone by. I'd almost forgot I was here to eat!

The menu was just what I expected and my tastebuds had longed for. An eclectic mix of Turkish-style, Arabic, Russian with a pinch of Greek, this colourful menu provided loads of veggie treats for me and the meat eaters had their fair share of kebabage.
I started with an aubergine dip, a sumptuous velvety blend of aubergine, yogurt and herbs, served with beautiful pitta straight from the oven. The main event was a veggie couscous and was out of this world. The couscous was fresh and fluffy and its crowning glory was the beautiful medley of curried veg- aubergine, courgette, okra and other faves blended in to make a taste explosion. All main courses are served with a boat of Armenian special sauce- a wicked tomato and pepper gravy for added zing. Furthermore, if you needed any more 70s cuteness, the plates were those gorgeous ones popular back in the day decorated with pretty flowers!

After this feast, I was stuffed to the gills and couldn't manage dessert. Nor could I manage a potent coffee as I had work in the morning (I'm a terrible coffee drunk!)However, in the name of research, I checked it out next time and spotted some right Turkish delights- Baklava and Künefe. Hmmm, my stomach is pestering me to go back....

Armenian Tavern, that's a big thumbs up from me. Here's to another 40 successful years in business!

Fu's, Manchester

Fu's, glorious Fu's!

In my quest to visit every restaurant in Chinatown, it was high time I broke my Try Thai habit and ventured into unchartered territory. At first, I was going to try the Great Wall as it had a purse-friendly offer on (business lunch £4.50) but as I descended the rickety stairs into the sleazy basement, the staff looked ever so unfriendly and the restaurant looked like a condemned council flat from 'Grimefighters' complete with furnishings that looked as if they had come out of a skip. I ran as fast as I could before I could catch anything (hopefully it will close before I have a chance to visit it as part of my New Year challenge). Then I spotted Fu's.

Fu's doesn't have any garish signage, nor does it do any special lunchtime deals- this place relies on the sheer brilliance of its food and word of mouth in the Chinese community. It is tucked away above mainstays like Try Thai and China City, the name of the game here being back to basics with its food doing the talking. The decor is informal like a cafe but nonetheless crisp and clean. No tacky paper lanterns here! There are no stereotypical Chinese souvenirs littering the walls, but pieces of football memorabilia and photos of stars. The tables are all set with chopsticks, indicating this place is geared up more for Chinese people and foodies, not drunken stag parties of louts slobbering over their chicken chow mein.

There are two choices of menu here, one typical menu what Brits are used to and one specialist Chinese menu with what I call 'Bushtucker Trials'- you know, the feet and private parts of cows and chickens. Although I consider myself an intrepid explorer in the foodie world, I stuck with the 'normal' menu being veggie. To start, I had veggie hot and sour soup (I am so predictable) and for mains, tofu in black bean sauce.

CONGRATULATIONS FU'S!! You have won Manchester's best Veggie Hot and Sour soup! This H and S was the most amazing I've tried since coming to Manchester. Velvety yet with bite, a great distinction between both hot and sour tastes, this soup can join Edinburgh's Panda Inn and Liverpool's Chung Ku in Britain's best hot and sour hall to fame. Let's hope the main course measures up...

It did. Wow, what a huge portion, I thought I was going to need a doggy bag. The single portion of EFR was enough for two,the main course consisting of huge chunky tofu slabs gently marinated in the blackbean sauce, garnished with spring onions. Beautiful. Fu's, you have the winning formula. Unobtrusive yet friendly service, informal yet not chavvy atmosphere, authentic, filling dishes suitable for veggies, a brilliant drinks menu and even potent coffee!

Try Thai, you have very stiff competition now on your doorstep, but you're both my babies, it'd be cruel to pick a favourite one!